I had far too much to say on Prometheus so I’ll just get these guys to say it for me…

Red Letter Media is a Wisconsin-based film company with tongues firmly in cheeks. They’ve just released this response to Prometheus, Ridley Scott’s latest Sci-Fi-Alien-Bladerunner-existential-dystopia-origins-faith-blockbuster-cult-B-movie. If you think that sounds ridiculous, it is. It’s also why most films are not directed, produced, edited, funded and designed by the same person. That’s generally called meglomania.

I’ve been trying to formulate a response to Prometheus since seeing it last week. Shocking, yes. Shockingly disappointing. After years of crafting some of the most lovingly rendered visuals in the history of Cinema, Old Ridley has made himself look like a mad old set designer with far too much money. Which, in fairness, is what he is. Its just that he’s SUPPOSED to be one of the best directors of modern epic film, to boot.

In presiding over this mess, Ridders hands over:

the marketing to Rupert Murdoch and FOX, famous for being a beacon of irresponsible capitalist philandering, vote-swinging, and generally ardent Republicanism.

the script to Damien Lindelof, whose only other credits are the equally disappointing Cowboys and Aliens, and the astonishingly incomprehensible plot-hole with unfinished threads attached that is Lost,

And not, it would appear (though correct me if I’m wrong), the genius that is H.R. Giger. The designer of the original Alien, the one Sigourney Weaver said “looks like it could just as easily fuck you as it could kill you”, asking for him to lend his creativity might well have prevented this wince-inducing artistic abyss ruining the Alien franchise once and for all.

Riddle me that one, Ridley. And if you dare to mention the words “Directors-Cut”, think about cutting out the superfluous, humourless comedy support, the tragically wasted Charlize Theron, any reference to that those absurdly non-canonical aliens (YOUR CANON, RIDLEY! THOSE WERE YOUR IDEAS YOU FLAGRANTLY IGNORED!), and please, just let Michael Fassbender get on with his spellbinding rendition of Android life.

I think everyone who ever set themselves up to be entertained by Prometheus has been thoroughly disappointed by now. So please, just bask in the next 4 minutes of idiotic moments that Red Letter Media has managed to divulge from 124 minutes of crushing despair.

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